Good, good Father

I heard a song on the radio the other day and I have literally been listening to it in repeat since then. It's called "Good good Father" by Chris Tomlinson. It's MY song. It has spoken to my heart in a way that no other song has before.

Growing up, I didn't have a relationship with my dad. To be honest, I didn't even know who he was. I can remember always wondering and longing for that relationship. I had an amazing grandfather. He was more than I could have ever wanted. He was there for me every step of the way. But it didn't feel that void that was left by a man that I didn't even know. I ended up meeting my dad one cold day when I was fifteen. To say it was awkward is the understatement of the century. The next day, he picked me up from school and took me to meet his mom and the rest of the family. It was even more awkward. And then after that, things just went back to normal.  I would hear from him sometimes. He brought a birthday card to my school for me on my 16th birthday.

I built up a resentment towards my dad and many times I wish that I had never even met him. The entire situation left me bitter and confused. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my daughter in 2012 that I really started to build a relation nail with him. It's still awkward, but I no longer have resentment towards him. The hurt is still there and I assume that it will always be. He missed just about every major event in my life, even after I met him. He wasn't at my high school graduation, college graduation, etc. He has his reasons as to why he wasn't in my life and I respect that. My father didn't know his father. He didn't even know his name until he had to have it to sign up for the Marines. As a boy, I know that was hard for him. Like me, he had an amazing grandfather, but that doesn't fill the void.

As much as this has hurt me over my life, it has made me. It is the reason that I am who I am. And now, I realize that I had a Father all along. He has been there every step of the way. Loving on me. Loving me, even when I have been unlovable. Loving me even when I have rejected His love. He delights in me and I'm the apple of His eye. He's a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). And that makes me smile.

I gain a lot of satisfaction from watching the relationship that my children have with my husband. He dances with our daughter  and lets her know that she is beautiful and that he loves her. He prays that God allows him to live long enough to see her get married. He teaches our son so many things and he just genuinely loves being around him. They are best friends and I just smile when I think about it. He's such a good father.

But God is a good, good Father.



I invite you to check out the song!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CqybaIesbuA